Why would I be termed as unlovable and unattractive?
Is this notion based off of how I see myself naturally,
or simply how I see myself through you?
I mean,
why would those words randomly pop into my head
whenever we were together?
Was I always this discardable to you?
Was I always so defective?
Was I always going to be left empty?
Was I always a hollow shell at your disposal?
Have I always been useless?
Have I actually never mattered to you?
Has my existence always been deemed as unnecessary
and uneventful?
Was I always such an ugly soul,
an empty shell,
a dead man walking?
It seems like I was always these things,
maybe even worse.
It would be utterly terrifying
to fully come to terms with it, if so.
How would I even be able to come to terms
with such ugly ideas,
especially when they are not even close
to being painted as fantasy?
♥️♥️💫💫